*so…now iam confused*

i have complained in my previous posts that i still have no job. i applied in six companies. 1 is a call center company, the other 3 are tutorial service, and 2 are hospitals. i am a nurse by profession, so basically, i have a higher chance of being hired in the hospital. and yes…the 2 hospitals that i went to have accepted my application and they want to have an interview. well, actually, i went to an interview just this morning. now, i am confused as to which hospital should i accept. i once said that the first hospital to accept me is the hospital that i will work for. but now i have my doubts. i really really need to think about this carefully. i feel lucky and thankful and i owe it to the Lord, my Savior and Protector….

hopefully, i can decide tonight.=(

*feeling kinda blue*

the weather is bad. it’s gloomy out there. i hate rainy days. it makes me depress and make me think about my life and now i realize that i am alone and sad.=(

when i started this blog i tried to think about how to make it interesting and colorful and fun…but i guess i was wrong. most of the time i write my anger, my frustrations and my nonsensical thoughts. the reason that i cannot really write longer posts if i’m happy is that i cannot really find the right words to describe what i feel. but if i’m mad i can vividly describe it because being angry is the most familiar feeling that i know and it’s easier to write curses. i think it’s bad. but most of the time i feel so frustrated. i’m tired of figuring out my life, how am i supposed to be living it. i’m tired of the same old routines. i’m tired of everything else.right now.

and now, i feel like crying. my best friend says that she envy me. how could she envy a person like me? i guess i’m just a nobody who’s trying out her luck if she could be somebody. maybe i’m good in wearing my mask. people have this impression of me that i’m a happy, independednt person. well…maybe i am. but sometimes i just want to talk about how tired i am…

the drizzle has started. i still hate the rain.

*yesterday…all the troubles seem to be on my way*

i had long day yesterday. a very tiring day. i think i’m gonna be sick. hmmmnnn…i think i’ll post it tomorrow…

*ArGH!*

i was still sleeping soundly when the phone rang so loudly…and who could it be? well, well, well…it was my father who pestered me in such an early part of the morning. he was looking for my mother….the conversation was kinda like this:

Me: (still half asleep voice) “hello…good morning” 

Father: (in his usual demanding tone) “is your mother there?”

Me: (still not awake) “huh…i’ll check” (calls out mother) “i guess mother is not here”

then father hang up. how rude can you get to your only daughter? grrrr…he’d done this hang up on the phone for three times already…

i hate my father.

i that bad?

*learning new language is fun*

i am learning korean language (hangul) now. it’s quite interesting. in the beginning, i’m not really a fan of korean dramas but now i’ve change my mind…i am soooo into korean dramas. and now i want to learn their language. i can read and write hangul. i can understand few words but i’m having problems with my pronunciation. it’s kind of difficult so i’m still getting the hang of it. i’m not in a formal language school. i’m just learning through the internet and from the dramas that i watch. koreans are kind of fast talkers but i love the way they talk. it’s endearing to the ears. i don’t know when can i converse in korean but i’m not giving up.

i hope it’s sooner…

for those who wants to learn korean…i suggest these sites:

1.) http://www.learnkoreanlanguage.com

2.) http://www.learn-korean.net

*where do i begin?*

i feel so lost. there are so many things to do yet how come i was not able to complete even one task? i’m such a planner but i can’t seem to fomulate a goos plan right now. what do i do now? after i got the result, after i applied for four freakin jobs, after risking myself of skin cancer (i was out under the heat of the sun recently)…I AM STILL JOBLESS…i want to have a job yet i still want to review for CG/NCLEX…well, whatever…

what will come…will come…

i hope i can figure out what do i do now…=(

*=)*

well…my euphoria has finally toned down and right now i’m confronted with the reality of living outside the four walls of the classroom. the world of yuppies is a different world from what i imagine. the “real” world as they say is far from ideal. in fact, you may seldom practice what was taught to you in the classroom. it’s chaotic and confusing out there…and i cannot ask money from my mom anymore…

when i go out there, i have only my ideals…

and the rest…

i guess i have to unlearn and re-learn.

*been thinking a lot lately*

long ago, an sms was sent to me by a friend. it says:

“what would you choose? Would you rather be HAPPY but WRONG or SAD but RIGHT?”

i’ve been thinking about it and came to conclusion. would you really be happy knowing that you’re wrong? would you still feel happy despite of the fact that you’re overwhelmed with guilt?

human relationship is complex. to compromise is even harder.

what about being right but sad? would you really be sad knowing that you did the right thing? suppose you fell in love with a married man with kids? you know it’s wrong so you have to let him go. you would feel sad naturally…well…that’s an understatement. you would be heartbroken. but would you not be relieved knowing that you did the right thing?

basically the bottomline of this problem is knowing which is right and which is wrong. but then people have different ideas of what is right and what is wrong. it is a dilemma. society dictates us. what is right in a certain society might be wrong in another society. it’s hard and yeah…confusing.

sometimes it’s easier to be sad and just cry…=(

*i am jumping for JOY!!!*

i PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am now a REGISTERED NURSE. i am very happy. i thought i failed….i cannot really express what i feel today…i’m just so damn happy…

but on the other hand…

i am kind of disappointed with my mother…she owes me 10, 000 bucks already and i don’t know when she’s going to pay me and i need the money now…

p.s.

for the result of the philippine nurses licensure examination: http://pinoybsn.blogspot.com

*don’t wanna wait*

well, at this very moment…it’s 1:00 AM in my watch…the result of nurses licensure examination last december will be released…but unfortunately, it seemed like a rumor again (and again!) well, i don’t know what to feel anymore…should i be anxious? nervous? nah…i don’t know…when i think about it, my heart would beat a little faster for a few seconds but it returns back to its normal rhythm. anyhow, i am prepared. if i don’t see my name on the list of passers i just have to accept it and move on. we all have our second chances and whatever will be…will be….

THY WILL BE DONE…