^^. uh-i’m thinking aloud…AGAIN???…

regret.

such an emotional term.

have you regretted a lot in your life?

well…i don’t have any regrets really. i try to move on after i realized i’ve a wrong choice or i made a mistake because i have always believed that whatever i do, i cannot undo whatever i have done. because we would only wish that we could turn back the hands of time. maybe i’m in constant denial about my regrets. because i don’t want to think about it. i don’t want to deal with my wrong choices in life because at that moment when i chose to decide i know the consequences and there was no turning back.

i have no regrets.

but i have wishes.

i wish that life was one step forward and two steps back.

and i wish i have a different father. but then i would not be who i am right now if not for him, right?

i’m not making sense.

—–

i tried posting a while back but wordpress was kinda having a problem.

—–

i love long drives and jeepney rides. they make me think. and reflect.

c”,) FINALLY…day off

whoa! today is my day off. i slept for 10 hours. man i feel so good.

—–

i applied for my nclex-rn exam. hopefully i could take the exam this october.

—–

i will SERIOUSLY study after my training in the hospital ends. hospital duties drain me mentally and physically. sometimes, i’m too tired to think.

—–

aRrgh! still have classes tomorrow.

0_0

i actually laughed heartily for the first time in 6 days.

i like ma’am abby. too bad i’m not working with her tonight.

my head hurts from lack of sleep and my eyelids feel heavy.

—–

still have to work tonight though, and i’m gonna ditch review class tomorrow morning.

*…and the rantings continue*

6 days has passed. i’m still unhappy. well, it’s my choice to be unhappy. uh-uh. not exactly. i’m just tired. i haven’t slept well since wednesday and my schedule does not permit me either. i’ll be working my ass off for 7 whole days. i don’t even have an off dufy day this week. dang! why is that? hah….i’m still ranting. i don’t know when will i stop.

—–

CRAP.

—–

i just want to sleep.

*rantings…*

CRAP. i’ve been saying that a lot lately. i hate it. i hate leaving my comfort zones. it’s been like 3 days since i was assigned in the ward. i still hate it. i still wanna go back to my beloved nursery.=( i don’t know why but i’m still lost. i am not myself. just a week ago, i was so happy…and barely a week before the tangible fact that i am happy came upon me, i lost it all. i want to ditch my hospital duties because it rained hard but guess what? the rain stopped when i actually had to go out of the house. the sky is really not my friend.

—–

CRAP.

^^; ~thinking mode~

i don’t know why i’m doing the things that i said i would not be doing for now.

1.) i said i do not want to apply as a call center agent. i don’t want to be a call center agent, yet i applied. stupid me. and i got hired. well, i turned it down, i said i don’t want to be a cell center agent.

2.) i said i will put off going to review classes for a year because i want to concentrate on my pyschomotor skills in nursing. well, not even the first quarter of the year and i’m already reviewing and yeah, i’m ditching classes coz i have to be in the hospital.

3.) i said that i’m gonna start studying this week to catch up my reading but i’m here, oggling my eyes out in the computer reading fictions. pathetic me.

4.) sometimes i want to ditch the hospital too because i’m tired already. i have classess in the morning then i’d go on duty during afterneoons. it sucks. i don’t even have a life. yeah, i know. pathetic me (2x).

why do you get the things you do not ask for? and why is it that you do not get the things that you wanted to have?

——

it must be the rain. that’s why i’m thinking. i always hated rainy days.

——

and i’m ditching review today because i have to go on duty.

“LOVE SERVE” ( s i g h )

arrrgggghhh!!!!!!!

crappy day:

1.) a patient vomited blood;

2.) almost made a medication error. thanks to my presence of mind;

3.) (the worst for tonight) got scolded by a patient’s relative.

still…crappy=(

=/

i’m not liking my new hospital assignment but i have to live it through. shox. i still have 28 days…soooo long. i hate it. i want to go back in nursery department but our training officer won’t let me. dang! well…

“patience is a virtue”

*and now i say…goodbye and hello*

okay, my nursery days at the hospital is over. my new assignment is ward. after all that is what i asked for. why am i sad? first, i have learned to like the babies—their cries and their cuteness. second, i liked the staff nurses—they were so nice, treating me as one of them and letting me feel so welcome. and lastly, my scrub suits. i will truly miss them. even if i don’t want to move on to the next assignment, i have to anyway. sooo sad…=(

bye bye babies…bye bye nice staff nurses…hello ward.

^^;

today, when i went to the hospital for my shift, i was feeling crappy bacause the jeepney drvier was so damn slow. grr…. i almost lost my patience.

the day turned out okay. well more than okay! i’ve been feeling ecstatic recently. because i can feel that i am truly truly a nurse. well, of course i am. but it seems that i can feel my profession now. i did a lot of stuff today…

i am “HAPPY”