I was able to complete the 9 mornings ( Dawn Mass before Christmas), the priests were really good. I had several qoutes from them to share with.
” If there is LOVE, there is SACRIFICE; if there is SACRIFICE, there is sufferring, therefore, if one loves, in one way or another…one is bound to get hurt” ( rephrased a bit)
“Everything is grace”
W E L C O ME 2 0 0 8 !!!
Often times, I have a hard time in choosing/deciding on something.
I feel really lost now, kinda like what I was a year ago. It was like a homecoming, but I wasn’t too keen on coming home at all, in fact, I didn’t know I was coming home at all. I was walking, other times running…chasing what I thought would be worthwhile, but then, the unexpected happened…or maybe because everything happened too fast that I barely noticed where I was going then, suddenly WHAM!!! a head-on collision with reality. I had to take a detour because the road is still under construction, and I didn’t have the slightest idea that the detour would take me back, right where I came from.
I don’t want to shed tears because it’s not something to be cried for. It’s not something to be proud of either. I’m just this person who just need to go back from zero. To start again. But come to think of it, nothing has ended yet. There’s always lessons to be learned. I am not the kind of person who regrets her decisions. I just felt so confused right now. “I can’t find the image” Have you ever had that feeling when you think of something too much, the thing that you are thinking suddenly felt surreal? Like you’re in a far off place and you even forgot why were you thinking about that thing in the first place?
I’d like to think that I complicate my own life. Maybe I like complexities.
Maybe…
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For a while, I will stop putting titles like “the random series” & “the here & thereafter” because of what I’ve been going through. More than an emotional outbursts, it’s like a mental battle of things that I ought to do and not do.
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I actually passed NCLEX. So, congratuation to me. The exam was very difficult and I was not even sure if I made it through, but thanks God ( To God Be the Glory!!!) I made it. If someone will ask me tips on how to pass it, simple:
1.) Pray ( if you are a spiritual person);
2.) Practice a lot on CAT CD’s available (Kaplan is the best by far and Saunder’s too) and
3.) Think Positive!
So, go ahead, read and practice.
” But knowing what I don’t want to do doesn’t help me figure out what I do want to do. I could do just about anything if somebody made me, that’s my problem now. I can’t find the image.”
– The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Haruki Murakami: translated by Jay Rubin)
Last November 14, I made a big decision in my life. A turning point I should say. A chance to go out of my boundaries and test my limit as a person. My other foot was already stepping outside my circle but my other foot was still inside my zone…intact and no sign of following the other foot. It’s hard. Your greatest enemy would always be yourself. I was ambivalent of the things that were happening around me. In the end, I gave up…not because I was losing hope but because it felt like it was the right thing to do. There were other things to be considered, despite the ‘exclusiveness’ of my circle it was still connected with the other circles that other people have.
So here I am, back where I started from. I can’t help but think that perhaps, I was not really meant to make that decision…or maybe the pull of my foot inside the circle was far stronger than the foot outside. Then, I will be waiting for that right moment to step outside.
I’m just taking a DETOUR. I know where I am headed, I know I will get there…but not now. Soon. When the time is right and when I am ready.
