Ramblings On My Days Off

 

I have a very strong sense of ownership. Perhaps because we have so little things when I was growing up that I have this possessiveness in me. I’m not really selfish of my things, if you want to borrow them, go ahead, as long as you asked permission, you return it on time and you will return it the same condition as you borrowed it. I dislike messy borrower. And I dislike those people who get my stuff without even asking permission.

 

Recently our old neighbor moved away, so we got a new neighbor. They have so many little children and the kids play in front of the apartment; it’s starting to unnerve me. Then there’s the matter of clothes line. They are claiming MY clothes line. I hate it. I don’t want to hate anyone right now because I don’t really hate anyone anymore. Come to think of it, if I hated them then I have a problem on them but they do not have any problem with me. So, I’ll stop this nonsense. I just thought I will feel better if I write my thoughts down.

 

 

When we are hurt, we want to take revenge, we want to hurt those who hurt us with the same amount of pain we endured, or even more.

But come to think of it, will vindication change anything? Will it change the fact that we were hurt? That we shed tears? Can we go back to the way things were?

 

The answer is No.

 

No matter what we do, we cannot undo the damage, we can only heal, and be better persons than we used to be.

 

 

Picture this:

 

A person is sick. Very very sick, to the point of dying. He has been in and out of hospital for a long time and he’s wondering why. But no one will say anything because everyone is afraid of his reaction. How do you say to someone that he’s dying? So, he goes to the hospital, know nothing of his prognosis and one day, he will sleep and won’t wake up anymore.

 

If you were the sick person, what would you do? Would you want to know the truth or forever ignore the nagging feeling that something is wrong?

 

Me thinks:

I guess it’s better not knowing. We all die anyway. If someone told me I’d day tomorrow, I’d cram up, think of the things that I still want to do and regret all the bad decisions I’ve made. Then tomorrow, I’ll die, worried and unpeaceful.

 

What is a brat?

 

According to the Encarta Dictionaries:

 

Brat: Demanding and selfish person; somebody, especially a child, who is regarded tiresomely selfish and selfish in a childish way.

 

My brother embodies that definition, conceptually and operatively. I don’t know why but he’s been like that since I can remember. If he can’t get his way, he throws tantrums and mind you, he’s a very grown man. He’s already 25 years old. I want to confront him about his behavior but he’s acting like a jerk. Well, I mentioned jerk, so he’s also a jerk. Yesterday, my mother texted me and told me some things that Darrel told her. I know my Mom can have her theatrics but I never bluntly said hurtful words. I never made her cry. My brother can be really mean and I know mother created some problems for him but in my opinion, the problem did not warrant verbal attacks from him. I told him about it last night and he just brushed me off and told me that mother deserves those hurtful words. I realized that I wasn’t as selfish as I thought I was. My brother does really make me look like the better person. He’s a very mean-spirited boy. I think no matter what, he shouldn’t have hurt mother in such a way that spells disrespect.

 

 

“I had to learn to love before I could realize how I am loved”

—Soichiro Arima (Kare Kano)

Me Thinks

 

In the grand scheme of things, I am nothing.

My decisions are insignificant to the world,

My actions meaningless to most people,

And perhaps my life would remain like that until my demise,

But despite its monotonous nature, it has its own drama.

I might not influence half the world, nor would my actions impact change at least to a hundred people,

But that just how things are,

And I know I’m not alone,

There are people like me, leading a life of monotony.

But they are happy, simply because they exist.

I can make my friends happy, listen to their troubles,

Laugh a lot,

Learn from my mistakes,

And most of all,

LOVE.

To be alive and to be able to love is enough.

That being said, I am HAPPY.

 

 

“Hey Soichiro?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to be with me till death do us part?”

“I do!”

“Good. Because I’m getting to the point of not being able to let you go…”

—His and Her Circumstances

TIRED

I was planning on buying “Vampire Knight” but found the one I’ve been looking
for since last year. It’s an old anime titled “His and Her Circumstance”. It was nice,
I’m starting to read the manga version too.

—–

I feel very unhappy yesterday, because I realized that for the first time
since the start of the year, I haven’t felt so much frustration than I did yesterday,
What had happened? I also want to know why. Maybe because I was tired, or maybe
there was too much restrictions on my part. I get frustrated with little things
because I can’t function the way I want to. I dislike my preceptor’s methods,
I dislike her attitude. I don’t want to learn under such a person because I
feel like I can’t learn efficiently at all. Sure I am nothing but a novice,
but I was never the one who backed down on learning new things. I’m taking really, really
deep breaths now, to let go of my frustrations and welcome tomorrow with a good feeling.

I must change the way I think about everything: the ward, the people and the patients.

—–

In my all of my very short nursing career, I really dislike taking vital signs.
I hate everything about it. But it’s a part of assessment, one must never skip it.
But that doesn’t change the fact that I hate it. A lot.

—-

My partner in duties is a very hesitant person,I end up giving him instructions
which makes me bossy. He doens’t take initiative and follows me around. If I have
my way, I’d like to do it alone. I can’t manage my time well because I have to
think of him and my preceptor. But tomorrow I plan to do things at my own pace,
it’s either he keep up with me or do it on his own. He’s starting to get on my nerves.
I don’t want start hating people just after my resolve of being happy.

—–

I missed ICU so much.I missed everything about it. That being said,
I guess that what makes my transition at ward difficult and frustrating.

Love…and a little bit of other stuff

 

I guess one cannot just fall in love at will. It needs that magical moment, a split second defining snap. Putting it that way, we can say that defining snap could be cupid’s arrow. Love is such a simple yet complicated matter.

 

“Love is patient and kind;

It is not jealous or conceited or proud;

Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable;

Love does not keep a record of wrongs;

Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.

Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.”

- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

 

—–

 

I think we all have the power to change our lives, how we think and how we react to things. Since last month I’ve been feeling quite happy not because there were no stresses and other distractions but I’ve been getting better in dealing my emotions by responding appropriately to what the situations calls for. I hope to maintain this feeling.

 

—–

 

I have been feeling tired since the start of my hospital duties. My feet hurt, although I am feeling confident about doing nursing procedures, I have this void that seems to be telling me that what I’m doing is not enough. Having experienced being a nurse in a critical unit for 4 months made a difference in my nursing career and doing ward nursing this time is a bit off key. Ward works sucks compared to the ICU procedures.

 

I’ve been going on duties for the past 6 days and I have made observations about the area, the staffs, my partner and the experience.

 

Area:

It’s a good thing that there are more medicine cases in the ward that OB cases because the ward used to be an OB ward. I love everything about internal medicine.

Staffs:

There were some friendly staff and there were those unfriendly ones, but whatever, I can be professional about it.

 

I have some complaints about my preceptor though, she’s moody and mahilig xa magdali-dali maski dili dapat, or maski pwede man na maging snappy lang about it, di na lang magdabog dabog and mag reklamo. And I also hope na she’ll trust us with simple stuff. Really simple stuff that I have been doing since I was in 2^nd year college. She’s starting to bother me.

 

Partner:

Hay, very hesitant and lacks initiative. I pray that he develops confidence and skills.

 

Experience:

DDH vs. DMC

 

DMC all the way. All, all the way. The staffs and the experience were all worth the effort. You will really come out confident in your skills as well as in your knowledge.

 

But I am in DDH now and no matter how I missed and loved DMC I must move on and get on with life. DMC was such a nice experience and I won’t trade it for anything. But it has ended; I just can’t keep on living in their policies and practices.

 

So, I shall wake up now and live in the present.

 

 

Thankful

Everything went well yesterday. To God be the glory.

St. Elizabeth informed me that I will be interviewed today, but I’m already settled in a different hospital so I think it’s rather unnecessary for me to be there.

Dave will leave for Singapore today. I pray that he will be alright.

This Is My Now

New people.
New environment.
New learnings.

And a better me.

—–

There was a time I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.

There was a time when I was so afraid.
I thought I’d reached the end,
But baby that was then
I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.

I have to decide,
Was I gonna to play it safe.
Or look somewhere deep in side,
Try to turn the tide,
And find the strength to take that step of faith.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.

And I have the courage like never before, yeah.
I’ve settled for less now I’m ready for more,
Ready for more.

This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.

I’m living in the moment
As look around I can’t believe the love I see.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt
That was then, this is my now.
This is my now.