A couple of months ago I put up a new signage in my room.
It says:
5ive Things to Remember Each Day
1.) Be Happy.
-Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy.
2.) Stop Worrying.
-Worrying won’t change anything.
3.) If you don’t need it, don’t buy it.
4.) Everyday is a mystery.
-Unravel it.
5.) Deep breaths.
-Works every time, in almost every situation.
Because I always feel better when I put signs in my room to help me motivate myself, however, I always make new adage every few weeks depending on my mood.
Today, I decided to remove the above-mentioned signage and made a new one. It’s pretty much the same but I changed the last three numbers. The new one says:
5ive Things To Remember By:
1.) Be happy.
2.) Stop Worrying.
3.) Focus on Goals.
-To remember what I am working hard for.
4.) Believe.
-Because sometimes, there will be set backs and there will be detours away from my goals. Believe that it will happen in God’s time.
5.) Hope for the Best.
-Things may not go as I planned, but I could always hope that whatever the outcomes are, it will always be for the better.
Making those five new adages is kind of liberating. I’ve been feeling quite restless these past weeks. Because I was verbally hired by the hospital I’ve been applying to I became complacent about things. A month after verbally hiring me, I have yet to officially start my work. I haven’t signed any contract at all. I wasn’t informed of schedules. It’s wait after wait. On the other hand, since I wasn’t so keen on being hired anymore (having said my goodbyes already) I don’t care that much. 40% of me hopes that I will start working this month, but 60% says whatever. Anyhow, I got a back-up plan. I am hoping (very much) that my approval from the NZ nursing council will be released this June. I am praying so fervently that I will be approved. If anything works out well, then I can push through with my plans in life.
I was thinking of changing my blog title. I’ve used “I am colorblind” for the last two years (I guess). I’ve never really thought about the reason why I used that one as a title. I can’t even remember the previous titles I’ve used because I liked changing titles every week, but then when I started liking the song “Colorblind” by Counting Crows, the title struck me. It was so fitting with what I was feeling that time. Of course, for me, it was symbolic. I think the song goes like this: “I am color blind. Coffee black and egg white. Pull me from the inside. I am ready, I am ready, I am…” Aside from the lyrics, I used the title to describe all the tangled emotions in me, until there was a point of distortion between what reality was and what make-believe was. I’m not a color blind person, but rather, I was a “reality-blind”. And somehow, even today, I still am. But that’s beside the point. I think I’m past the mixed-up and confused state. I want to think positively now. I’ve decided to be happy and to live a worry-free life. I think it’s time to open my eyes and see that red and green are both different colors.
As I have opened my Pandora’s Box, it’s finally time to face truths.
I have been continuously haunted by my past,
I have been continually hurt by something that has already passed,
I don’t know if everyone of us in my family felt the same way as I did before,
I don’t know if they still carry our painful times like a trophy,
I don’t know if they have moved on,
I don’t know if they have tried to stop running away from our dark and twisted past,
I don’t know at all.
I don’t know anything because it’s a taboo to talk about these things in my family.
Maybe they felt the same way or maybe they just let it go easily,
Maybe they weren’t haunted by scars like I do,
Maybe they all moved forward and never looked back, that’s why they never noticed that I was still there. Stranded.
And so, I guess, it was nobody’s fault that I was left there standing in the rain,
I should have moved forward when I had the chance,
I should have never built those walls around me, because no one bothered to look.
I should have. But I didn’t. Instead, I kept on running around in circles thinking I was finally moving. But I always end up realizing I haven’t moved at all. It was an endless cycle of depression and pretense. Until I was on the verge of ending it all. But I was a coward yet the end result of my cowardice made me braver.
So here I am, with all that I am.
Bare.
Without the pretense,
Without the walls,
More vulnerable than ever,
But I’m so much braver than before.
People are shaped by their experiences, maturity doesn’t come with age. It comes with how people dealt their past, how they strived to overcome their demons, and how they healed themselves.
Healing is a long process.
Recovery doesn’t happen over night.
There will be set backs, but once we learn to understand things, and accept things, then somehow, everything will start to get better.
In celebration of mother’s day.
Happy Mothers’ Day to all the mothers in the world. I was joking with a friend that my Mom is in indefinite leave from motherhood. Because she can’t be reached most of the times. LOL :p
What makes a mother?
© dcec 10May09
A mother is one that nurtures a child,
Show love, care and understanding.
A mother will give up everything,
For her child, she sacrifices anything.
A mother is someone;
Whose arms can convey a story without speaking,
Whose heart can communicate with just a touch,
Whose hands are ready to toil any labor for the sake of her child.
Not anyone is a mother;
Motherhood is beyond sexuality or gender.
She is someone who;
—feed and clothe the street children,
—and adopts the abandoned.
A mother is not only by the womb,
But more so,
By the heart;
Where true motherhood is born.
Hmmmm….Yeah, so I said my mother is on indefinite leave because it always felt like I have a mother by name only. I totally understand my mother and I accepted her limitations, even so, I could not help but wish that she’s a little more caring and involved in my life. Because it always felt like she doesn’t care at all. Maybe my mother is selfish. Maybe I didn’t understand her at all. Or maybe I am just asking for too much. I think I should just be thankful that I have a mother. Living and breathing.
A television ad:
Buti pa and basketball may TIME-OUT.
Buti pa ang ATM may OFFLINE.
Buti pa ang stop light, may STOP.
Buti pa si Yaya may DAY-OFF.
Pero si Nanay, laging ON CALL. Laging ON-DUTY 24/7.
——-
The post below is so messed up. I never noticed. ANyway, I don’t feel like editing it at all. I’ll have a date with myself later. How cool is that?
