In the world of nursing, there is no ME. It’s always THEM (patients). No matter if a nurse was hungry, if she was not feeling well or if she’s having a bad day. She has to put her best smile, she has to pretend to be okay and she has to act energetic even though she’s feeling under the weather. These are the sad truths that a nurse took an oath for. Missed meals, risk of contacting diseases, risk of taking her family for granted and risk of taking HERSELF for granted. In the call of duty, a nurse can’t complain. She can’t abandon her duties and responsibilities. She takes care of other people yet can’t take care of her own. It’s hurting. And it’s so hard to understand these things. Most of the time a nurse can’t give quality time to her loved ones because often she’s tired from work. I guess it’s never a good idea to care for others as a means to an end.
In my two years of experience as a nurse, I’ve had my share of deaths and little miracles. I am still novice in the world of nursing, yet, I’m starting to get disillusioned. So much for my ideals of compassion and kindness. My ideals are only applicable in a public hospital setting, but in private hospitals, it’s nothing but ideals of imagination.
When I was still in DMC (a public hospital), most patients were appreciative of the nurses. When you simply answer their queries or you respond to their call immediately, they would never forget to say their thanks. At the end of the day, you feel fulfilled and glad that you were able to share a part of yourself to these strangers, that you shared your kindness to random people. My DMC stint was a voluntary experience, and nothing can substitute what I experienced. It was humbling and such an eye opener. If I had my choice, I would have chosen DMC, but I didn’t pass my application for the reason that the hospital has no funds for additional staff.
Right now, I’m working at a private hospital (DDH). Quite the opposite of DMC, the patients & their relatives are very demanding. Most patients think that nurses are slaves; they think that nurses can substitute superheroes (in the extremes). You have to answer their every whim; you have to appear when they call you. It’s a little frustrating, because it’s making me disillusioned. I love nursing, no doubt about that, but DDH patients make me feel like I’m so incompetent and stupid. I am underpaid and overworked. The work that I do for these patients are more than an extra mile and most of the time, it’s unappreciated.
Last Friday, despite my disappointment and frustrations, I was quite feeling good for two reasons.
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A patient told me she was glad of my services, that I was one of the best nurses she had. We even got a picture together. At least she will remember me and my kindness.
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I saw my crush who I haven’t seen since August 2008. He completely made my day and nothing could ever ruin it. In the beginning we weren’t really friends but I was friends with her older sister who was my age (he’s a year younger). Then, when I was assigned in PACU for two weeks, he was also assigned there. We had only a day of duty together but we just simply clicked. It felt like we were in the same page, that we were in the same wavelength. When I saw him yesterday, it was like we never separated at all, we were like long lost friends.
So, last Friday, made up for the frustrating Thursday I had.
♥ Thank you Lord.
Getting old isn’t scary at all. It’s the deterioration that accompanies ageing that’s most scary. Sometimes we have geriatric patients and I see myself in them some time in the near future. Helpless, with my memories robbed off from me by my own incapacitation. It’s as bad as it sounds. Young people should pay attention to their olds, mother, father, grandmother, grandfather…all of us will get old. We will have gray hair, we will have arthritis, we will have difficulties in walking, eating and talking, we will have troubles sleeping at night, we will have high blood pressures, we will suffer from bed sores…we will all die. Sooner or later.
I guess the best thing to do is enjoy every phase in life. Regret always comes later. I don’t want to get wrinkly and say to myself: “If I could only turn back the time” because it will never ever happen. Right now, I want to experience the things I want to do. I want to enjoy every minute of life. I don’t want to waste it in insignificant whines. I want to say before I die “Wow! that was fun…” and so I can be laid at rest knowing that I did the things I want to do.
Of course, that’s just my take. No one really knows about the future since we’re the ones writing it. There will surely be lots of surprises in store for us, but whatever it is, I just want to have fun. To love and to live.
Yes, to love and live. ♥
I guess when one has hesitations about certain things; one should confront that thing because that’s the only way to get over at things. Then you would realize that it wasn’t so bad facing it head-on. Sometimes, we are presented with the things we fear, the things that make us run away; but I realized that these are simply challenges to make us braver warriors and at the same time survivors. We go to war not only to win but to survive as well. We may lose sometimes, but surely, we can win too. If you are in the worst of the situations right now, think positively, because if that’s the worst possible circumstance you could ever be, then things will only get better. I think it’s good to look forward to better days. Rain checks are temporary; it doesn’t mean that the rain will never stop. Surely, we know that once in a while we need rain too. And as cliché as it sounds, the sun will rise and things will certainly become better.
“You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn ”
