Clean Slate

I never talked about anyone my mess up head, but last night for the first time in my life, I talked openly about it. Perhaps because I felt, I am already nearing my full recovery that I find it okay to talk about these things. I am still a bit teary eyed whenever I talk about it but I’m okay. It was a nice change having someone to listen to you and just bared even a little bit of what I’m going through. For that, I thank you Irysh. <3

photo credit: blankcanvasmovie.com

One by one

copyright:dcec 290909

The layers are slowly stripped off.

The glass walls are somewhat cracking.

Soon, it’ll all be shattered into enumerable pieces,

And little by little,

A new person will emerge.

Like a blank canvas, eager to be painted with colors & such.

No more black & white,

But a beautiful rainbow.

When Something…

—-Happens, the world gets small, and everything else becomes overlapped.

I forgot to write about the holiday off that I had last Monday (9/21). Ohhh…I guess I have written something about that. Then came the crazy Friday where I was freaking pissed at our charge nurse. But before that pissed incidence, actually there was another thing going (Thursday–I think I made an entry about that).

I forgot to write about my brother whom I very much missed. He went to Singapore last February 2009 and went on a 7-day vacation. Unfortunately, because of work, I was able to talked to him for barely an hour. Darn these scheds! Anyway, he went back to the Lion City today. He sent me a message he already arrived. Thank God the weather was fine over there. I was quite worried that they will be behind on their scheds. Thank you Lord! ♥

Faith + Hope

The news of disappointment came on the earliest mornings of Saturday, Saptember 26, 2009. Why am I disappointed? Because I expected it to happen, but instead, I met some set back. EXPECTATIONS are vessels of misery and disappointment. I know I can’t really avoid being hurt but the truth is I CAN avoid living in misery. With such disheartening news, I think wallowing in misery for a few hours is just enough to get the hurt feeling out of my system. The weather wasn’t so helpful either because it rained that day and the clouds were so proud casting its gray shadows.

Today, I feel a lot better than yesterday, because I have faith that my wish could still come true. Things happen for a reason and even if I would probably never understand how the world conspire and grant wishes, I still have my faith and I am hoping for the best. Whatever the out come may be, I know I can handle it.

I’ll stop expecting, but I’ll always hope that these things happen to me because God wants me to learn something I need to re-learn or haven’t learned yet.

<3

Another Low-Blow

Been feeling pissed.

My wish has taken its own detour. I am very disappointed.

And if tears won’t get me nowhere, why do I feel like it’s the only thing that would make me feel better now?

Pissed

What I do on my freaking free time is none of your darn business!!!

You’ve done this before, ruining my plans for me. I had no better choice then, but right now, I have a valid reason. And yet I feel so guilty. A guilt I shouldn’t have. It’s been done a few times already and if I allow you to do that to me again, I’m afraid it will turn into a habit.

I just want to rant my very frustrated morning. Arrgghhh!!! I so hate it.

I’m afraid I don’t have a teleportation power. Our OIC called me up on my mobile @ 8:47 AM asking me to go on duty, from 9am-6pm (instead of the usual 7a-3p). With less than 15 minutes to spare (given the fact that I just woke up) would I be able to go on duty @ 9AM? I was just pissed the way I was asked. Of course I can’t be there at 9am. I still have to take  a bath, eat breakfast and travel. All in all, it would probably take me 45 minutes to 1 hour. Say, how can I get there on time? The way I was asked was like I lived in the building next to the hospital. SIGH. I hate it when the heads do that on lowly employees like me. I am human too you know, in case you forgot.

PISS OFF!!!

See ya!

Finally, Inday went home. It feels weird having the whole apartment all by myself with no one to talk to. I’ll miss venting out my feeling to her, my frustrations, my giddiness and what not. She was more than a house help, she’s a friend that i wil truly miss. See you soon!

—–

Even in our own dream lands, there are villains. Because our subconscious knows that it ain’t all rainbows and roses.

Random Outburst

Had fun last night. Hope we could do it sometimes, AGAIN.

——

The people who have control over us are manipulating us, which is rather sad & stupid. What’s the point of encouraging us to bond together when they will in fact break us up at their own whims. The saddest part of this is that we cannot even say anything nor have the power to object because both options are unfavorable. It’s upsetting, yes. But these people can’t take away our fun. These people are the epitome of kill joy. I don’t like them >:[

—–

Sometimes where you’re in a three way secret, you’re bursting with secrets but you can’t tell anyone. A tells you secret then B tells you another one. SIGH.

—–

I think I’m starting to like you. But I don’t want to. GO AWAY!!!

——

I lost 200 pesos last night. FREAKK!!!!

Holiday Off

I was supposed to be on night duty last night, but before I changed into my uniforms I was informed, I was told that I would go on holiday off. of course I was freaking happy. 3 days off baby here I come!!! Then Irysh sent a message, inviting me for a night out. Of course I happily obliged, it’s not everyday that I get a holiday off.But ironies of all ironies, while I was waiting for the guys outside the hospital, I saw a very grumpy Mam May-ann saying I shoudn’t have gone on a holiday off. Well, it isn’t my fault is it? So tin, gretch, irysh, dodong & I went to karaoke and had fun singing off-tune songs and danced horribly at club music. Then hunted an open bar, fortunately there was one bar open at Damosa (well, they are close actually but they kind of allowed us to hang out). Then went to Karl’s & had coffee. Went home at around 6.30AM, threw up then ate breakfast. Logged on my FB and had a chat with dodong & mark..well, that’s pretty much it. Off to my dream land now.

New Adventures + New Obsessions

Last September 16 (My 24th birthday) we went to Maxima Aqua Fun, located somewhere in Samal. I was with the same people I went diving with  plus two additional people, Dodong & Mam Shie. We had the outing all planned out already since the night we went to Zip City. This post is actually related to my recent “post-birthday emo post”, Since most of the pictures (I have no cam) from the guys are up, I’m gonna post some.

The slide that scared the crap out of me

——-

My new obsession: 2ne1

For the past three years, I’ve been a super fan of Yoon Eun Hye

Recently, I’ve began adoring 2ne1. They got “IT”. The spunk, the funk..whatever… I soo love these girls.

Lurvveee—–> Dara & CL the most

POST BDAY EMO POST

“I wanna sunburn, just to know that I’m alive, to know I’m alive”

Age is nothing but numbers. Because age is but a thing of the mind over matter, so if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter (getting old). Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.

I used to mope around during my birthday, I’m one of those people who gets sad because it’s their birth anniversary. For what reason I am being sad of, that I do not really know nor fully understand.

But this year, it was so much better. Perhaps because I wasn’t as reserved as before and finally, I was able to crack the glass wall I’ve surrounded myself with. It wasn’t easy to be so exposed with my insecurities and fears (which I guess  is  deep rooted) but I realized it wasn’t so bad as I expected it to be.

We meet different people in this lifetime, some go but some remained behind, for whatever reason they came in your life, these people always leave behind some lessons learned and memories behind.

So, to the people who made me braver in facing fears, THANK YOU!!! Maski sige ko ninyo katwa-an, I know you never really mean it (or maybe you do) anyhow, I appreciate everything. Thank you for imprinting those happy memories and wherever life may take me, I’ll always be thankful for everything. ♥

Nikki. Gretch. Irysh. Mam Bunsoi. Tin. Dodong. Mark. Mar. Mam Shie.

——–

P.S.

Those who sent their greetings “ARIGATU”

Nyzel. Ate Charms. Jade. Family. Mayok. Master Kong. Inday. Dane

——-

P.S.S.

Those who forgot, I will forget your birthdays too!!!!!!!!!