(c) dcec 04Dec09
I’m tired.
Of waiting.
If it comes,
Then let it be.
And sometimes;
Just sometimes,
Even so, I can’t help waiting some more,
Knowing it’ll leave me bleeding behind.
A masochistic habit,
Let my heart break,
I suffer in my self-imposed
Yet painful indulgence.
So I let myself float.
Aimless.
Because I’m tired.
Because I’m confused.
And it scares me.
Tears fall like drizzles,
Thoughts like grey clouds,
Cold air like winter,
That’s exactly how I feel.
——-
The weather has been bad since yesterday, the rain kept on going for the entire day and when I went home last night I had no other choice but to take a cab. UGH. I swear I’m making those cab drivers richer while I’m becoming poorer. Double UGH. Anyway, for our Christmas party, we drawn the names of our kris kringle! Mine is Carol. She’s Mam Nicky’s GOP. weeeehh!!!! I’m excited for gifts! I want a new book! Must think now! Well, I wanted the Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami so I’m gonna ask that. 
I love Christmas season cause I can bully my way so that friends and family will buy me something I like, not that they are expensive. I’m so easy to give gifts to, I like books so people just give me books.
It’s 17 minutes past 12 o’clock and I should really take a bath and prepare for work but the weather is making me lazier than I normally am and we don’t have heater on the bathroom. It’s literally gonna be a COLD bath. Fine, throw in that bucket of ice water on me will ya?.
My hopes today at work:
1.) No more repeats of yesterday. PATIENT’S SAFETY FIRST!
2.) Be finished on time.
3.) No pendings!!! (I HATE PENDINGS!)
4.) Seriously, just a cool-chill 8-hour shift.
Got to put on that mask,
Wear that smile,
Hug optimism,
And inwardly sigh.
I’m feeling sick and feverish since last night. Acckkkk!!!! I still have one more night shift before my coveted day off, I hope to survive the night with he help of coffee and mefenamic acid.
——-
Tomorrow is Manghud’s birthday, I was supposed to make a gift for her like what I did for Nikki but I’m a bit lazy and the idea won’t be so original anymore cause I told her about it. So, while I was thinking that I should just write her a simple letter (I know it’s childish) but when I started typing my thoughts down I had a sudden flow of idea and this is what I came up. I almost cried while writing and re-reading it (I know I’m so lame 
) Anyway, here’s my birthday poem:
(c) dcec 26Oct09
My gift to you is intangible but, very overt.
It cannot be measured yet, at some point you can gauge its worth.
It can most be seen as a basket of: comfort, little joys, laughter and love.
My gift is my eyes,
to look at you kindly when you most need it,
to stare at you when you have done something inappropriate.
My gift is my lips,
to say the words you most wanted to hear,
and even say the words you wouldn’t accept.
My gift is my shoulders,
for you to lean on when you need support.
and to give you a nudge when you seem at lost of what to do.
My gift is my arms,
to hug you,
in tears and in smiles.
Or just because.
My gift is my two hands,
to hold yours when you feel cold and alone,
and to wipe your stubborn tears.
My gift to you is my two feet,
to walk miles with you,
definite or unknown destinations.
And my most precious gift to you,
Is my heart.
That sees the good in you,
That speaks my sisterly love (for I lack blood-related one)
That tells me to be there even in silence,
That will go with you all the way, despite my physical absence.
That will never falter, even when the world turned its back.
Those are my gifts,
And my promise
That I will forever keep.
I made a lame ass poem. But I think it has it’s own charm. Don’t you think so?
Originally posted at my tumblr. CLICK FOR MORE
au revoir
(c) 09Oct09
And after it was over,
I was never fine,
But I pretended I was.
I got by each day in remembrance,
I swept my eyes anywhere
And your shadow stood.
Waving and smiling.
But that’s all you’re going to be
From this day onwards,
You will be the shadow
That will keep on hurting me
Without even knowing it.
I know in time,
The shadow I see will fade
Into reality.
No more illusions.
No more pillows wet with tears
No more blind hope.
But until that time comes,
(Whenever that is)
Let me be comforted
By the thought that
Perhaps someday,
We’ll be together as one.
AGAIN.
Naked
(c) dcec 05Oct09
Sleeping soundly,
A stir,
A nudge,
And it’ll bulge.
Open its eye wide
Like it has never closed it for a while.
I shuddered as I felt the beast move,
Slowly,
Eyes glowing,
With loathing;
And with a bit of apprehension
I silently waited.
Stike! it struck me hard,
My heart the precise target.
Then bit by bit,
The blood that held it spilled.
And it was free.
Taunting me,
Gloating.
And I could no longer keep it in,
Nor could I ever tame it once more.
Out in the open, vulnerable and broken,
I succumbed to its call.
I never talked about anyone my mess up head, but last night for the first time in my life, I talked openly about it. Perhaps because I felt, I am already nearing my full recovery that I find it okay to talk about these things. I am still a bit teary eyed whenever I talk about it but I’m okay. It was a nice change having someone to listen to you and just bared even a little bit of what I’m going through. For that, I thank you Irysh. <3
photo credit: blankcanvasmovie.com
The layers are slowly stripped off.
The glass walls are somewhat cracking.
Soon, it’ll all be shattered into enumerable pieces,
And little by little,
A new person will emerge.
Like a blank canvas, eager to be painted with colors & such.
No more black & white,
But a beautiful rainbow.
“Growing older is mandatory but growing up is optional.”
Adulthood is tough. But it’s tougher whenyou start paying your own bills. Sometimes I wish I could remain as a child, innocent, pure and carefree. I wish I could play all day, chasing butterflies and dragonflies, catching tadpoles on streams, play hide and seek with my cousins or jump around in the play ground. I wish. But at some point, even if growing up is optional, I chose to grow up. Then the confrontation of bigger responsibilities overwhelmed me. At times it gets exhausting. Simple matters become complicated and I became accustomed with the ‘real’ ferris wheel they call “LIFE”. There are times that I feel like quitting, but then I realized that everything will have its own ending.
——-
Peter Pan’s Never-never Land
© dcec 23.04.2008
V2 27May09
Take me, Peter Pan
To the hidden ‘Nowhere’ Land.
Fly me,
To where the magic shines.
Spare me a pinch,
Of Tinkerbelle’s fairy dust,
To be able to feel the cold air’s kiss,
Against my cheek.
I want to touch the sky,
Feel the clouds with my palm,
Look the world at bird’s eye view,
And see the stars up close.
I’ll help you fight Captain Hook.
I’ll be friends with everyone.
Just as long as you take me with you,
To the place called Never-never Land.
Hold my hand now,
And together we’ll fly away,
To the place you call home,
Beyond the skies.
To make me forget,
Even for a moment,
The pins and needles,
Pricking my heart.
I was in the bathroom doing my thing when this idea hit me. It was inspired by the whole Veronica-Archie-Betty love story. So, I made it in Betty’s point of view. I do think that Betty should be with Archie but sometimes, Archie is a jerk. He oftenleft Betty hanging around, that makes Betty too good for him. Betty may love Archie but he’s not the one for her. I just know it. (Of course I’m kidding 
) So here’s the poem. I think it’s rather lame but I want to share it anyway, after the stress I got from last time’s duty.
I Loved You
dcec (c) 22July09
I loved you,
For how long?
I do not know.
And I love you still.
She loved you,
For how long?
That I know,
That’s counting the years I’ve known you.
You loved me,
You loved her,
How much each of us got?
Was a question I’d like you to answer.
But I think you loved her
More than I loved you.
It’s written in your eyes,
It’s spoken with your tongue.
But you do not love me as I loved you,
You loved me as a brother should,
You loved me as a friend should.
No more, no less.
And she loved you,
As much as you loved her,
With certainty I guarantee.
You are meant to be.
I am so freaking bored. I made a poem and made few Haiku. I not particularly good at it but I had fun counting the syllables. I’m not sure if I made my point in the poem though.
Watermark
© dcec 14 May 09
I write my story;
In my friends,
In random people I meet,
In my journal,
In myself.
I engraved my words,
To the selected few,
Who chose to hear it.
With them the story
Unfolded.
With them the story
Began
And ended.
Until we all wither;
Our actions
Slowly deteriorating.
Our memories
Betraying us further.
Our bodies,
Have given up altogether.
The following are my lame attempts at Haiku. 0:)
April-May
© dcec 14May09
‘Tis summer once more;
The glorious rays bathe me;
With warm, happy days.
Sleep
© dcec
As I close my eyes,
I asked the angels’ blessings.
And waited for dawn.
Idle
© dcec 14May09
Dwindling, dwindling life
Passes by right through my eyes
Idly waits the time.
Love
© dcec 14May09
It traps, it captures
Hold you, lock you, enamored.
Bare and left exposed.
Mother
© dcec 14May09
My sister, my friend
A warm hand, a healing touch
My pillar, my strength.
Disappointment
© dcec 14May09
Hopes, expectations
Wish and promise; all broken
But I stand again.
The Guitarist
© dcec 14May09
He got his guitar out from its case,
Dusted the dirt that gathered;
Of which tells a story
Of resentment and regret.
It is time again.
To move his fingers,
To tune the rusty chords,
To strum the all-too familiar song.
Maybe it would not hurt as much now,
When he starts the intro of her favorite song,
Or perhaps, when he reaches the bridge,
The memories will pierce his heart once more.
Then he shall be thankful for the coda,
Because he knows that it is almost over.
That sooner than he imagined,
He will forget about the song and her.
Ultimate Gibberish
© dcec 17 May 09
Subtle strangeness,
I am a liar.
But—
You are too.
Drunken stupor,
I am aggressive.
But—
I am most passive.
Silent confrontations,
Between you and me
But—
I surrendered.
Ultimate gibberish,
My tongue speaks out.
But—
You don’t understand.
Victorious smiles,
Winning beams.
But—
I don’t care.
I just don’t care.
So I went to this unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. I wanted it to be a fun experience but it turned out that I’m still on my comfort zone. What happened to overhauling my mind?! Ugh. I can’t understand myself at all. And yeah, I also gave up trying to understand me. And I’m gonna start working on Tuesday, how cool is that? I hope that I will manage my time and I will be a better nurse than I used to be.
Wishful:
“Whoever you are, wherever you are. May your love finds it way to me; and my love finds it way to you.”
