My One Cent’s Worth: Maguindanao Massacre

The most horrible massacre in the Philippine history happened on November 22, 2009.

I heard it on the morning news at the hospital.

It was so horrible and gruesome. The way the victims were brutally killed was beyond any sane man’s imagination. Heads were smashed, shot mercilessly, women were raped and mutilated. And these people are innocent. Women, supporters and media men. They weren’t fugitives. But why?

Political motivation?

It was rather absurd how a person could conceive an idea of mass murders just because of a mere election.

What people do just for power and fame.

Is Ismael Mangudadatu so much of a threat to the point of killing 57 people, burying them on an already dug-out burial site, using the government’s equipment?

Are the Ampatuans that merciless, cruel and animal-like?

If they are the Lords of Shariff Aguak, then Ismael is like an irritating fly that they can easily squish.

But no, they had to KILL.

Not one, but 57 INNOCENT people.

So are you happy now?

I’m not entirely judging Andal Ampatuan but seeing the news and hearsay, I’m on the verge of convicting him by a mere look.

How could they think that they could cover up the massacre by burying the victims along with their cars/vehicles? Very clever. Did they really think that we are idiotic? That they can play people on their hands? APPARENTLY so.

I am deeply saddened and enraged by the news.

And I don’t want to generalize but I’m scared of the Ampatuans. I met some of them and they are loud, obnoxious, downright rude and act like they own the world. Okay, so I was UNFORTUNATE to meet the “bad” Ampatuans. Maybe some of them are actually NICE.

I pity those “good” Ampatuans. Your name will be associated with fear, brutality and violence.

Or maybe, some Ampatuans will take advantage of this and induce more fear to people.

And more violence will happen.

——-

On the side of the government, it was obviously staged. The special treatment, the special meeting. It screams STAGED!!! The STAGED arrest was to APPEASE the people.

We’re like dogs, barking on THE RIGHT TREE, and since they are caught off guard and on a dead end, they take out their doggy treats and lure us with it to stop us from barking.

Oh, how them ELITES look down and BELITTLE people who lack money and whatever.

And Teodoro even had to ride in this chaos.

And some politicians.

All of you are nothing but TRAPO.

And this is why I lose hope in this country I call PHILIPPINES.

It’s corrupt.

Gloria Arroyo, you can rot in HELL!

Justice

But let us remember:

“Justice delayed, justice denied”

I hope the Maguindanao Massacre would not add up to the already growing list of unsolved cases and have the perpetrators roam around freely.

I PRAY

I pray that the murderers will suffer equally or more as their victims did.

I won’t pray for conscience for it’s evident that they have none.

Instead, I will pray for the victims’ loved ones.

I pray you will move on and do not let the desire for revenge cloud your better judgment.

I pray that the victims will have justice.

I pray that the government will prove itself that “Walang sinasanto ang batas.”

I pray that the whole “Andal arrest” wasn’t staged (As I already presumed it was).

I pray.

I pray that there will be no more blood shed.

I pray.

AMEN

Eyes+Tears

Do you know where do our tears come from? It’s from the Lacrimal Ducts.

Anyway…

credit:papertissue@tumblr

So, let those tears flow.

——-

I actually broke my promise today. I said I’m gonna go to the bank and pay my bills but I woke up so late and now I’m feeling lazy again. It’s still gloomy outside. I THINK I’m gonna do it TOMORROW (hopefully). The reason I was up late was I stayed up all night cause I watched FO, then lurked to some forums.

Whom should Dara be with after 3 years?

A. GD

B. YB

C. TOP

D. Teddy

E. Some random guy

I honestly wanted her to end up with someone who will love her and take care of her, so for me, YB is the most ideal candidate. But being with Teddy wouldn’t hurt too. But if friendship will ruin these guys then it’s better that she get together with some random guy.

Sounds???

credit: as watermarked

Depression: A Subtle Why

What could drive a person to do kill her/himself?

Mostly it’s depression. What causes depression then?

Causes of Depression

Depression has no single cause; often, it results from a combination of things. You may have no idea why depression has struck you.

Whatever its cause, depression is not just a state of mind. It is related to physical changes in the brain, and connected to an imbalance of a type of chemical that carries signals in your brain and nerves. These chemicals are called neurotransmitters.

Some of the more common factors involved in depression are:

• Family history. Genetics play an important part in depression. It can run in families for generations.
• Trauma and stress. Things like financial problems, the breakup of a relationship, or the death of a loved one can bring on depression. You can become depressed after changes in your life, like starting a new job, graduating from school, or getting married.
• Pessimistic personality. People who have low self-esteem and a negative outlook are at higher risk of becoming depressed. These traits may actually be caused by low-level depression (called dysthymia).
• Physical conditions. Serious medical conditions like heart disease, cancer, and HIV can contribute to depression, partly because of the physical weakness and stress they bring on. Depression can make medical conditions worse, since it weakens the immune system and can make pain harder to bear. In some cases, depression can be caused by medications used to treat medical conditions.
• Other psychological disorders. Anxiety disorders, eating disorders, schizophrenia, and (especially) substance abuse often appear along with depression.

Is there such a thing as a happy pill?

Would the world be better if happy pill existed?

——

Hearing the news of a suicide by the late model Kim Daul has tugged a string in my heart because when I was 22 I had suicidal thoughts that I could act upon if I were braver (or should I say coward) only I was too afraid of the consequences. Heck, I wasn’t ready for after life. I was just so sad and lonely and everything else was falling apart and I could not talk to anyone. I was already saying weird stuff to my friends like “I want to jump from the highest building here in the city” and my friends just shrugged it off as nothing but the usual random gibberish I often say. I had a plan, I had chosen the mode in which I die, I had chosen the date and I even started to write some goodbye letters. In the end, I didn’t do it. Lack of courage? I don’t know. I woke up one day and realized that I can overcome my depression. I have a chronic case of mild depression, I have it since high school. I often visualize myself dying (which is sick). Although, I feel a little better now. I still get sad at times but not so lonely anymore like I did back in 2007. I think that year was the pinnacle of my depression. I was doing a lot of things but at the end of the day, I kept going back to my dark cave and let those darkness consume me. Of course no one noticed this because I’ve mastered the art of pretense, that I’m fine. But I’m not. I didn’t talk to my friends because I think they wouldn’t understand, I don’t even understand myself, how on earth could they understand me? Pretense became my best friend. I’d go out, see people, pretending as if I belong. But no, in all honesty, I was feeling more alienated. Looking back in retrospection, pretending has done me some good because I started believing that I was actually fine. It wasn’t an easy journey, I still slip to my old habit once in a while, but I refuse to let the feeling settle. It took me almost a year to talk about my suicidal thoughts to some friends. I wasn’t judge. And I felt better. Right now, I can honestly say, I am fine. I no longer dwell on things that causes me depression. But I’m not yet 100% fine. Perhaps 60% fine. But nonetheless, I’m far from my bottom point. I am gradually working on the 100% mark line. I’m keeping it together.

I don’t know Kim Daul. I haven’t read anything about her until the day she died. But she affected me without even knowing it.

My prayers to her family and friends.

RIP KIM DAUL

I just wanna type down my thoughts like right now because the words keep coming in and I don’t know if I can express them all. First off, the weather is still the same as yesterday. I woke up feeling cold (I don’t like blankets) so I hugged my big stuff bear toy tighter. I slept from 2AM til 10:30 AM today. I feel quite rested. Last night, or rather this morning (around 12AM) I read a news about the death of a korean supermodel KIM DAUL. I have no interest in fashion so I don’t exactly know her. But she was said to have been friends with 2ne1 stylists and GDragon. She was found dead in her apartment last November 19, and the cause of death haven’t been disclosed yet. But some say it’s suicide. I googled her and it led me to her blog. As I have come to read her entries, I realized she’s a deep person with profound thoughts and ideas. And her posts are kinda weird, it’s like weirdly sad and weirdly happy. I don’t know her on a personal level so she may be different in person. But our thoughts are reflection of ourselves. She was young, she was a model, she was smart and she still has so much to achieve. Whatever the cause of death may be, it still doesn’t change those facts. I don’t know about these artists at times, they get twisted and their thoughts kinda get tangled and they have this twisted view of the world. I don’t want to judge all the artists as that but some of them have really these serious dark and twisted view of the world. To each his own. And maybe she was feeling so sad that she wanted to end her life or helpless about things. RIP Kim Daul. May you find that forever is what you are looking for.

REST IN PEACE

Rip Off

When you don’t know what to do, it doesn’t matter what you DO NOT do.

Everything’s well that ends well. No more judgment. Thank you Lord. I know I’m lucky and blessed.

——

I was supposed to go to the bank and pay for the rent but it’s raining, so I’m having second thoughts, I am actually smelling some RAIN CHECK again.

——

I get tired when people send text messages asking me the obvious questions.

K: “Daghan pa nabilin na tambal si Estaris?”

Okay, for the record, I honestly thought that it was CMed, but if not, shouldn’t you check the box to see if there was anything left? Who discharged her anyway?

D: “Please enumerate your room rates”

Bro, I’ve told you countless of times the rates. I don’t have phone credits. Go, ask someone else.

Thank God It’s Tuesday

I love Tuesdays.

I wish everyday is Tuesday.

——

I super, super love tumblr. I’m tumblr addicted. But not so many original content on my tumblog. I am very infatuated with tumblr, but I’m in a long-term relationship with my wordpress.

——-

I will post some of my print screens from my dashboard, because I’m bored.

And this one’s for my grandmother, my mother, the guy who sat across from me last night, the beggars when the stop light turns red…

——-

Dear Self,

You are more lucky than you thought you could ever be. I think that’s enough reason to be happy. Remember, YOU ARE LUCKY.

And even though you have a lot of questions you want to ask, that you seek answers to, that confuse the heck out of you…someday, when you least expect it, everything will make sense. For now, just be content by answering your questions with “just because”. PERIOD.

I think it’s time to sail away from my safe harbor and see the world. Because :

Love,

Your Self

——-

I don’t who to give credits for the pictures & photos but I got these from these tumblog:poeticheartache, icanread,mrschanandler-bong

A New Day

Dear Self,

Someday, everything’s gonna make sense.

You have been through a lot, you have endured tears, betrayal and hurt for the last 24 years and here you are, trying to be some wisecrack. Fact of the matter is no one got your back, people come and go, as these people become your friends, at some point they will hurt you and leave you alone. Even your family will not spare you from broken hopes. So, be strong. Because as understanding as your friends are, they will not  ALWAYS be there.

It’s perfectly normal to feel sad. And it’s perfectly healthy too. You can’t be a walking sunshine at all times you know. You keep on making your friends happy while inside you’re a mess. I think it’s all right to let those tears fall and just let it flow because:

Love,

Your Self

——-

photocredits@tumblr:fuckyeahappy,lovegeneration,taintedphase

THIRD YEAR: Saving Grace & More

HAPPY THIRD BIRTHDAY dcec.worpress.com!!!!

Happy third year to blog!!!

It’s today by the way. Check out my October 25, 2006 post.

Looking back, I had my childish and immature moments, emotional breakdowns and what not. Most of them recorded in this secret online diary. I’ve expressed my raw emotions in my blog more than I have ever told anyone, mainly for the reason that my blog doesn’t talk back, doesn’t judge me and it just let me be, letting me rant, letting me cry, letting my emotions transform into words. It’s been a heck of a journey. And the sole witness of my HOW I was transformed into what I am now is this blog.

——-

Three years, that’s the number. That’s how long this cyber diary is. I been keeping it as a secret outlet for the longest time afraid that someone close to me will stumble upon it & read most of my intimate thoughts. Three years is also a long time, In those years, I’ve become better than I used to be, Though I still have the same demons that haunt me they no longer hurt as much, And I’m thankful that I’ve written those feelings down. If I didn’t write what I feel then I might have  literally broken down, In a way my blog has become my refuge because I can’t talk to anyone even to my friends because I don’t want to burden them with my problems and what not. I know it’s lame because friends are people who are supposed to understand you and I have no doubt that they will understand me, But maybe because of my pride, I did not to ask help even my heart bleeds & is screaming help, Because I thought I was strong, that I can take it all, and for the most part, I was right. Recently I realized the importance of having someone to share your thoughts with and for that, I am slowly opening myself to others. Because it’s so lonely being alone and hurt, and it isn’t any easier if you just keep mum about it. I’m still on the process of letting people in, it might take a while for me to fully expose myself, but gradually I’ll be better at this.

And I will no longer hide.